Guys: How to Ensure You Stay Single
- Court a woman online and ask her to dinner.
- During the date, express absolutely no interest in her except as a sounding board for three hours of your musings on your ex-wife, child, and the dissolution of your marriage. Do not ask the woman anything about herself.
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Ignore all subtle and not-so-subtle cues that the woman has had enough and would like to conclude the date.
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Awkwardly try to add up what you owe and she owes on the bill. When she graciously saves your sorry ass by suggesting you split it 50/50, agree even though your share was about $15 more.
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Suggest you both go out again, and then leave her standing on the street in the dark by herself. Do not walk her to her car.
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Send the woman an email sharing the details of your last few days caring for a sick child. Describe the child’s symptoms, including diarrhea.
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Conclude the email by saying how much you enjoyed meeting the woman and learning more about her, and tell her you’ve met someone else you want to pursue.
By: Haddie Nufoflosers
November 3, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Ack! So painful. I already feel bad for the “someone else” he wants to pursue. Sometimes the universe is kind to us and we don’t even know it.