Yay for weekends, and cupcakes

It has been a very emotional weekend.   There were both great and not so great emotions.

The weather on Saturday was fantastic.  I spent nine hours at the park for the harvest festival and got to visit with some of my favorite vendors from the year and do quite a bit of networking at the business expo.  I then had a lovely visit with Briana, Tonya and Vivian over sushi.

At the end of a very long day I came home and baked cupcakes to take to a memorial today.

Lemon had been one of the kinds requested.  I made lemon with lemon cream cheese frosting and chocolate with chocolate ganache.

Saturday was a wrap, visiting, appreciation from friends, vendors and volunteers.  Some baking and pure exhaustion rounded out the day.  I was falling asleep while talking to Chari on the phone last night from being so exhausted.

Sunday was emotional in a completely different way.  It started off with a sad conversation and then I headed off to the memorial service, the sadness just played into the feeling of the day.

The service was a mix of emotions.  I was happy, in fact thrilled, to see my step brothers and sisters.  I see my step dad often but not the kids.  Then there were all of their children as well.

The service was for my step siblings mother, Patty.  A woman I had met several times but that I did not know well.  Her sisters and brothers where there, I knew a few of them better than I knew Patty.  Although a lot of progress has been made between Patty and her children in the last ten years.  But there is still quite a bit of pain there.  Although there were some good memories discussed and videos played from when the eldest of the kids were young there is always the issue of her leaving.  Her sister brought it up when people were sharing memories, trying to convince the kids that she loved them.

They had wrapped box with a small slit in it, it was to put notes in and on the box was written “Love, Peace and unfinished business” this was to put anything in that needed to be said between the writer and Patty.  Not to be reviewed but to be set into the ocean when her brother goes fishing or to be burned.

Patty left her young children in the early 70’s leaving my step dad to work two jobs and have his mother in-law, sister in-law and his older children to raise the younger children.  They have abandonment issues for good reason.  Seven years after he met and married my mom and they became close to her and consider her a mom, she died as well.

I try to understand Pattys’ leaving.  She left to be with Virginia, who she was still with and who flew in to be there today.  I can imagine how hard she tried to live a “normal” life and all that she gave up to be true to herself.  I just can’t imagine how you leave your children.  I am the only one of all the eight kids without children and I still can’t imagine how she could leave them.

Needless to say, this was about emotions.  It was wonderful to catch up with everyone.  It was charming to see all of the kids playing together.  It was hard seeing the pain in their faces and knowing because of all the un-finished business that those wounds may never really heal.

I did write Patty a little note and put it in the box.  Living as a gay woman is still difficult for my generation and I’m sure it was even more difficult for her.  I only hope that if any of her grandchildren are gay that it will be easier with each generation.  As I can stand of the shoulders of people who have gone before me, they will be able to stand on mine.

By the time I got home this evening I had nothing left to give to any yard work, house work or projects.  I should have done some job searching but that didn’t happen either.

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