Ugh.

The silver needs polishing.  You know the silver lining that everything supposedly has.  I can look out the window and appreciate the beautiful weather today, the fact that I have a job, the fact that I am healthy.  However my eyes are hot and prickly.  They have been that way for days and every-single-little-minute-thing can trigger the tear ducts to release.

I am actually sick of saying “it could be worse” or “I’m so much better off than some people” channelling my inner Pollyanna just is not going to happen today, or yesterday for that matter.  I’m just plain tired of the struggle.

Yesterday was a wasteland.  I had high hopes and plans to get some yard work done but I was too cold.  Each time I went outside (make that both times) I pulled weeds for 30 seconds or stared at all there was to do and headed back inside.  I managed to get my bathroom cleaned and the laundry done but none of that was until late in the day.

The situation is not helped by the fact that (guys you might want to end here) my period is now 9 days late and all of those hormones are there just to trigger my frustration, my empathy, my fear, my (insert adjective here.) 

I know millions of women have done this before me, worse in fact, walking uphill with a newborn yadda yadda yadda.  But today its my hormones that I care about. 

I’m not even getting the swing, the completely distraught one minute (or hour) and giddy and laughing another.  It is just simply despair.  The state of the world, the state of my job/finances, the state of my weedy garden.  Yes I do know the garden I could do something about, yesterday for instance when all I could do was cry and then maybe today I would feel better. 

I’m just saying the silver lining needs a good polish.  It is not sparkling like usual and the only glint in my eye is from tears and I’m looknig rather puffy.

One Response to “Ugh.”

  1. Katherine Says:

    So sorry and totally in the same boat without the 9-day delay. Didn’t even go to the Falls awards last night because I was so bone tired and weepy. Spent most of the night Sunday into Monday having my sleep interrupted with waking up with the worst scenes from Precious in my head. WTF??? Woke up dull-headed, scratchy-throated and weepy. BTW, the feeling cold thing is hormonal too: I get cold flashes during the day followed by the hot flashes at night. Hang in there. This too will pass. I love you.


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