what to title this post…..
Front of the Line;
Things change. Even when you have no intention of them changing. I agreed to “things happen” also “if you don’t want to be here just say so, don’t drag it out” Those ideals sound better, easier when things are “good” or at least things are the status quo.
Dealing with things sensibly (pragmatic) and realistically………………… I have tried that for the first half of my life. It is against my person to completely toss out sensible. However the opposite is a lot more exciting.
I do not like to disappoint people. Perhaps it is a character flaw, perhaps it is a character (what is the opposite of flaw) bonus. What I do know is no matter how many times in my life I have tried this exact leaf to overturn, it has been difficult for me. Often leaving me and others disappointed (ok we will go with flaw.) I can only pray that with no intent to hurt people, that working from a place to make myself happy, I hurt others as little as possible.
I am working toward the front of my happiness line right now. There are some uncomfortable doors I’ve been opening. Some thrilling scenes and the allowing of myself to be vulnerable. All of which makes me feel alive, un-answering to anyone else, a part of me just not caring about those who will judge me. I am almost 47, I am a good person, I alone can make me happy, even if it means its uncomfortable to some.