This really isn’t a post about the Berlin Wall or the fall of the wall. It is more about the fact that its been 20 years. TWENTY years.
When I was in high school, um twenty-seven years ago. I wrote an essay on the Berlin wall. While researching and writing the paper my mom and I had some conversations about the wall, about oppression, about fear and how it spawns hate.
When the wall came down I was working at United Graphics, my mom was working down on Eastlake and had only been home a month or so from the fishing season in Haines. She called me at work and we went out to lunch and had a fantastic grown up conversation (thats how it felt) about the Wall, about Regan about the cold war.
It was only a few month later that she died. I know 20 years is coming up, right around the corner. Della and I were talking recently about how long its been. I mentioned it to a co-worker who is about to hit one year that her mom died. Maybe its the upcoming holidays, maybe its pms (cause its on-going these days) but yesterday’s mark of twenty years that the Berlin wall came down hit an emotional nerve. It seemed soooo long ago yet I can so vividly remember that conversation with my mom while sitting at Changs Mongolian grill. I just wanted to talk to my mom about the anniversary of the fall, my emotional nerve endings felt so exposed and made yesterday a very long day trying to keep it in check. It didn’t help that the work load sucked, in early out late and an over perfumed office were all getting to me.
What is hard to believe that most everything else major that happened during my lifetime that will have a “twenty year anniversary” happened without my mom. Without me being able to have memories like a conversation over lunch about such a huge and momentous event. For that matter minor and mundane events either. A life without being able to seek her advise or guidance. The things I may have done differently in my life if I had my mom to check in with, to fall back on.







